Excellent comments. I do agree that they need to know you care. They should intrinsically know that you're coaching them for their own good – but a healthy dose of reminding them of that does go a long way.

I'm still very cautious about letting them think I'm their friend. I don't want to confuse the fundamental nature of the relationship – coach and coached – and frankly I don't like everyone I coach. I like my friends. Friend also implies that we'll have a relationship beyond the coaching experience – and that's not always true or possible (or proper).

The great thing you hit on in your last paragraph is the sense of feeling like you're part of something. This is a huge motivating factor for people and will energize them to feats of greatness – as it clearly did with you and your sales coach. Great point!

Thanks for reading and commenting.

While I do agree with you that you shouldn't criticize everything at once, working on fixing one skill at a time helps the person you are coaching to focus and improve more quickly, don't forget that no one cares how much you know until they know how much you care. I'm not saying throw them all bachelor parties, but you have to let them know that you are their friend before you can be hard on them. This way they know you are doing it for their own good.

I coached competitive swimming and swam for 7 years while in school. The coach I listened to the most took a personal interest in what was going on with my life, he showed up to team breakfasts and dinners and made it clear that he wanted us to improve because he cared that we met our goals at districts. I swam faster under his coaching than I did the Marine drill sergeant who replaced him when he moved to another state.

This transfers over to what I have seen in business as well. My favorite sales coach was very strict and a bit of a micro-manager at times but he treated us all like family. He made sure he took time every day to come over and just ask about our personal lives. I confided in him as a friend and respected him when he had to be tough on me. Not only that, we all made a LOT of money. More than anyone else in the company! I worked long hours and didn't mind because I felt like I was part of a supportive family. I'm still good friends with most of our team, including that coach, today. Just like sales, being an entrepreneur is a tough job with a lot of negativity and it's nice to know that there's always someone to re-motivate you when you're down!